Reviews of Movies That Don't Make Sense

Watching this movie, you get the feeling you are actively watching a group of actors who learned their lines ten minutes prior to filming. Not collectively. They weren't running lines together. No. They were all living their lives, having champagne and truffle mousse on the bow of a yacht in Ibiza, no doubt. But then some sort of bill arrived and they took this or that role. And where these lives of leisure collided was on a film called: Geostorm . By sheer coincidence, though they each needed the money, apparently decided this movie was not worth a living shit. If you don't believe me, watch this film. It will be evident. Immediately. The preparation could best be described as: not at all. Basically, they said: "Why not just put it off until the last fucking second?" And this choice to cram comes through in every scene, hard. I found myself wincing at times, worried Andy Garcia or the other famous guy were about to blow their cover. The lead actor, not Gerard Butler,

Tea Leoni is so great. God she's awesome. I just think she's beyond gorgeous and that husky Kathleen Turner voice of hers... right? Too much. For some odd reason (i.e., a paycheck) she decided to take a role in the Jurassic franchise. In the third installment, she plays the role of a mother whose son has gone missing on an island inhabited by resurrected dinosaurs. She and her ex-husband (William Macy, wait, William H. Macy) solicit the help of Dr. Grant (Sam something) and his assistant Billy (a dude) and they plan a research trip that is really a ruse to get them to the island where they hope to find their son and a T-Rex dining al fresco. (Also, the reason the son is there is he and mom's new man were taking a pleasure cruise around this hellscape when shit hit the fan and they had to eject from their parasailing tour and careen wildly into the landscape.) When Dr. Grant realizes he has been tricked into finding their charge, he is next-level pissed. But, hell, here they